Category Archives: bejeweled blitz

Candy Crush Wants My Soul

Some of you may have wondered where I’ve been.

 It is a sordid tale of woe and degradation.

 Let me just sum it up by saying that yes, you can play Candy Crush Saga until your eyes bleed. Yes, that is a thing.

Above, “Candy Crush Saga Is Evil,” as seen and talked about on the GAR! Podcast.

Candy Crush Saga is a deceptively easy and evil game, a cross between Tetris and Bejeweled Blitz, only with candy, it goes from fun to compulsive pretty quickly. You go from shushing from friends, “Shhh, playing game now.” to getting the shakes while waiting to play again in a snap of the fingers.

In just one short week, I went from playing harmlessly and cheerfully to full on screaming obsession. Now, here in rehab, I have the time to think, reflect and write, free of the fascist little candies and their lascivious lure.

At least Candy Crush broke me of my Simpsons Tapped Out addiction. But then again, I think meth heads probably have the same thought about their former coke habits.

Even now as I write this I can see the candies in my head calling me back. Candy Crush is more than a game, it’s an addiction, it’s a religion… Candy Crush wants my soul…